[JUKEBOX] WE CREATED THE ULTIMATE BREAKUP PLAYLIST WITH SIZZY ROCKET
WHERE TO BREAK UP IN LOS ANGELES
Sizzy Rocket is a glitter-infused pop punk cherry bomb. She evokes reckless romanticism and raw reflection. An artist in every sense, her practices value genuine connection and expansion. Her “cult” members (fans) are wrapped around her finger and for good reason: she makes young women, queer people, and anyone needing a badass big sister’s touch feel empowered and inspired.
From her freshman record THRILLS to her surprise mixtape Hot Summer and all extraneous singles, Sizzy has a thing or two to say about exes, breakups, and all things splitsville. I do, too, but Sizzy’s more of an ex girlfriend aficionado whereas I’m more of an ex-girlfriend-in-training. Whether you dumped (or got dumped by) the love of your life, played an ill-fated game of will-they-or-won’t-they with an off-limits lover, or sent/received an “I’m not looking for a relationship” text, we’re here to soften the blow to your broken heart.
Do it quickly, then go and play all of the games! There’s nothing better for getting over a breakup than fun games, neon lights, and winning enough tickets to get a giant stuffed octopus.
 Urth Caffe (Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, Arts District)
Keep it sad, calm, and spiritual, then chug a green juice and say goodbye to your shitty ex.
 Echo Park Lake (Echo Park)
Just don’t do it on the paddle boats – getting back to the boathouse would be awwwwkkkkwarrrrrrd.
Magic Castle (West Hollywood)
A perfect place to cast a love spell and drink the sadness away with Hollywood’s spookiest. Plus the magic is up close and distracting from the sad reality that now you’re completely and totally alone!
Emo Nite (Echo Park)
It’s once a month at the Echoplex, and everyone there is already emo as fuckkkkk! So dump him and dance/cry the night away.
// NATALIE’S PICKS
Silver Lake Meadow (Silver Lake)
Daytime: Parents and kids picnicking and people exercising. Nighttime: neighborhood teenagers sparking up and making out. Whether you’re under the sun or moon, no one will yell out of fear of disturbing the peace that aerates in and around the Silver Lake reservoir and meadow.
The Broad (Downtown)
This option is tailored to planners. On the first of the month, get online and reserve a time slot. Invite your ill-fated sweetheart to snap your last photos as a couple in the Infinity Mirrored Room then ditch them.
 Bike Path (Will Rogers State Beach to Venice Beach)
Think it’ll take a while? Air your dirty laundry as you Bike or walk the 6 mile stretch from the Pacific Palisades to Venice.
Circus Liquor (North Hollywood)
Whatever happens, passersby will be distracted by the gargantuan clown sign, not whatever profanities or passionate goodbye kisses may drip from your mouths. Whether you’re the one getting dumped or doing the dumping, you have a Cher-Horowitz-stranded-in-the-Valley moment to indulge in.
Hollywood Forever Cemetery (Hollywood)
Do it on one of the movie nights, or go whenever and indulge in the campiness of ending a love affair amongst Hollywood’s most dearly departed.
THE EMOTIONAL GAMUT: BREAK UPS STAGE-BY-STAGE
Stage 1: “I Guess We’re Breakin’ Up”
It’s over in an instant. Maybe you broke it off. Maybe they dumped you because it’s ‘just not working out’. Maybe you were cheating; maybe they were cheating with you. Either way, you’re in a washing machine of feelings and the words ‘it’s over’ play in your head on a loop. Your stomach jumps and there’s a little jab in your chest, then it passes. Get ready for the next wave.
soundtrack: “Breakin’ Up” by RiloKiley; “Break Up Song” by Sizzy Rocket
Stage 1.5: “Are We Gonna Have Make Up Sex?”
Oh, we should mention this is make up (or break up) sex prime time. Nice last-call coitus if you can get it, and good luck resisting it.
soundtrack: Hook, Line & Sinker by Royal Blood; “Make Up Sex” by ELIZA
Stage 2: “It’s Really Weird That Now You Call Me ‘Ex’ “
Yeah, it’s really over. It hits you, and the tears from the first blow come flowing back, stronger than ever.
soundtrack: “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson; “Something” by Julien Baker
Stage 3: “Not Your Bitch”
Fuck them. Delete, unfollow but, first, laugh at their antics. What you once tolerated and maybe even found endearing makes your skin crawl. Your bitch-colored glasses come on and your friends either enable you or call you out.
Oh, you’d still totally fuck them, by the way.
soundtrack: “do re mi” by Blackbear; “In It” by Sizzy Rocket
Stage 4: “Now I’m Supposed to Get a Life”
The anger ebbs and you’re left feeling half-empty. You’re getting there, slowly but surely.
soundtrack: “Keep It To Yourself” by Kacey Musgraves; “Guys My Age” by Hey Violet
Stage 5: “Get the Fuck Out (and Move the Fuck On)”
You’re healed! Kind of. Whether you’ve made peace or made peace with the fact this one really broke you, you’ve minimized the crying and maximized enjoying life without this person.
soundtrack: “18 Wheeler” by the Prettiots; “Merry Happy” by Kate Nash